


Keep your hands off my settings

by Niedergeschlagen



Category: Bandersnatch (Black Mirror), Black Mirror, Ubik - Philip K. Dick
Genre: Episode: s05e00 Bandersnatch, Kind of a cross-over but not really, M/M, This is a short one lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 21:38:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17312306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niedergeschlagen/pseuds/Niedergeschlagen
Summary: Stefan wakes up, rinses, repeats. Colin Ritman is always there.





	Keep your hands off my settings

Funny lad, that Stefan. He’s jumpy and sort of sprightly; gaunt face, big spooked out eyes, hair always just a tad gross. He walks hunched over into the Tuckersoft building {again, again}, and Thakur calls him Steven.

\- Sorry, mate.

\- It’s all right, I get it all the time.

 

Funny lad, that Stefan. He gushes over THE Colin Ritman, has played all of his games, except the Commodore ones. He doesn’t have a Commodore. Though the sound chip is great.

\- We’ve met before.

\- No?

\- Yes, we have. I told you I’d see you around.

 

”Wake up to Ubik and be wild! Safe when taken as directed.”

 

Funny lad, that Stefan, sitting across from Colin in Colin’s apartment with Colin’s girlfriend in the room next door with Colin’s baby {again, again}.

[Take it] [Decline]

 

Colin drops the acid in the tea anyway. He sets him free nonetheless. Last time Stefan took it out of his universal spirit’s own volition. This time Colin drugs him, knowing full-well he’ll be fine.

Funny lad, that Stefan.

The cosmic flowchart dictates how they move, how Stefan giggles, how Colin chuckles, how he throws his feet up and hangs upside down on the sofa. How he talks, how he paces, how he grabs Stefan’s face.

Funny, that universal spirit. It deviates the flowchart because it’s bored. It doesn’t tell either of them to jump {again, again}. It wants something new. Stefan puts his hands over Colin’s, stares wide-eyed, stares maniacally. He leans forward, then snaps back like a rubber band.

\- We’ve done this before.

\- Of course. How many times —

\- How many times have I watched Pac-Man die? This is a Colin Ritman game, there’s a learning curve. You die a bunch of times.

\- That’s right.

 

Stefan huffs.

\- Fuck off.

\- I’ll fuck off but you’ll see me later.

\- No, don’t.

 

Funny lad, Stefan is. He doesn’t exactly recall but he remembers tidbits, like muscle memory for Colin’s bullshit.

\- Nohzdyve.

\- What about it?

\- You made Nohzdyve. And a nosedive.

\- And?

\- And... you made Nohzdyve because you’d already jumped.

\- Bingo.

 

Stefan’s hands are still over his. They topple off the balcony together.

 

”Taken as directed, Ubik speeds relief to head and stomach. Remember: Ubik is only seconds away. Avoid prolonged use.”

 

Funny lad, that Stefan. He wakes up with a jolt. For a moment, he thinks the words he hears are coming from God.

Relax, don’t do it.

He gasps for breath.

Just his radio alarm.

Pills, Puffs, Dog, Skip to the next bit.

 

Stefan is not the main character of this story. He puts his hands on Colin’s cheeks in return.

 

\- I think you’re it.

\- What?

\- You’re the... the universal spirit or whatever.

\- What makes you think so?

\- You, you know things I don’t, keep saying stuff or whatever. You’re always there? Why are you always there?

\- If you have to ask, you already know.

\- I’ll ask then.

\- Nice one.

 

Funny lad, that Stefan, kissing Colin who kisses back before the end credits start rolling. Neither one jumps, they just disintegrate. It's something new. There are no options anymore.

 

”I am Ubik. Before the universe was, I am. I made the suns. I made the worlds. I created the lives and the places they inhabit; I move them there, I put them there, they go as I say, they do as I tell them. I am the word and my name is never spoken, the name which no one knows. I am called Ubik, but that is not my name. I am. I shall always be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, pals! Kudos and comment, if you please (and please do please, it’s a kind and considerate thing to do). 
> 
> The title comes from Philip K. Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. It's a line said by Iran Deckard on the first page regarding the Penfield Mood Organ. All the Ubik-related quotes are the intellectual property of Philip K. Dick. Cheers, Dickie boy.
> 
> You can read a Finnish translation by me here: [to FinFanFun.fi!](https://www.finfanfun.fi/index.php?topic=48285.msg906123#msg906123)


End file.
